Warning... this post has a slight yuck factor as well as mostly just my own random grumbling thoughts so I can look back and laugh at myself.
To start at the beginning - I've been taking a course on the history of modern China as part of my degree program. All I can say is that I'm a pretty sensitive person to violence, blood, gore, etc. Well anyone who knows much about the history of modern China (obviously not me or I should have known better than to take the course) knows that violence, blood, and gore make up a significant portion of the history. That being said, this course has been quite emotionally draining on me. Over the past few days I've been reading a book for a paper that I need to write this weekend. So in addition to the typical anxiety of having a paper due I had the emotional ups and downs (mostly downs but thankfully not as much as I was worried) that went along with reading the book.
So finally this morning I finished the book and decided it would probably good to have a little break out in the fresh air to help brighten my spirits. Since I still wanted to make my break productive I decided to get out the lawn mower (WARNING...yuck factor coming...) I started the mower only to discover that the engine was housing a litter of baby rats or mice. I'll just say that my discovery was not a pleasant one - blood and tiny little mangled body parts were involved. Now I don't normally mind nature taking it's course... actually the experience has left me thinking seriously about getting a cat that could handle the problem in the circle of life fashion. I also definitely don't like the idea of rats in the garage but we'll just say that the way that it happened resulted in successive phone calls to Mark and my mother while I attempted to calm myself enough handle the situation. I tried to convince myself that it was just the shock of the situation that affected me so deeply but then I realized with irony... there's no way to plan for such a thing happening so of course there's really no way to eliminate the shock factor... not a pleasant realization.
All in all I don't think I screamed and I didn't loose my breakfast and I handled the cleanup on my own (something I wasn't sure I would be able to do) so I consider it a personal success story. An hour later I'm still not sure that my pulse has returned to normal but I'm okay.
On the other hand, Alicia barely seemed phased. She came out and looked - probably trying to figure out why mommy was acting like a crazy person. She saw them, saw the blood, but it seemed like just a pretty matter of fact happening for her - it happened and that's just the way it was. Of course then she has to start in creating the story of how the mother is going to come back looking for the babies and wonder what happened. I had to remind myself that she's five and the idea of a guilt trip is still beyond her comprehension so it wasn't intentionally made to make me feel bad. (I hate to think what she'll come up with when she realizes exactly how powerful guilt can be...)
So I didn't exactly get the break from the violence, blood, and gore as I had planned... in fact I had it displayed before me in vivid colors (even if it was on a much tinier scale... unless of course you're asking the rats who probably look at me as worse than Godzilla) that will probably result in lots of horrible imaginings over the next few days. Where's Disneyland when you need it?