The First First Days of School

Alicia would actually correct me on this one... she reminded me as I said she was having her first days of school that she got to go to preschool for a little while (does it count if you only attend for about four months and your mom is working there?). Anyways, this has been quite the week for all of us.

Last Thursday was a one-on-one interview with her teacher where I got to discuss the more technical details and was handed a booklet about school conduct/procedure as well as some forms to fill out and sign. Then Mrs. A called her over and began some learning tests to figure out where she was in development etc. I think she did well although she didn't know everything that was asked.

Friday morning Alicia, Ryan, and I all headed back to the school ( a half-hour early thanks to me messing up the time) for a "step up" practice first day. We played on the playground while we waited then got to go in and meet with the whole Kindergarten and parents then the principle, guidance counselor, and nurse talked to everyone (not sure exactly what they said because I was busy trying to chase Ryan down the hall and keep him from climbing the stairs to the second level). Then the kids had circle time and sang some songs with their teachers. The most exciting part was that then we all got to load up on the bus for a quick practice ride. Then back to the classrooms again for a snack and some more play time.

I should take a moment here and say that I just feel way to young for all of this... I mean really, to have a kid now off making her own way in the world while I sit and try and make conversation with the other parents not necessarily because I want to no matter how nice they are, but because these are the people that will shortly be a large part of my child's social life (yes, we've already been invited to our first birthday party).

Anyways, I'm pretty sure the whole time Alicia didn't talk to anyone but her teacher. When we got home and I asked her about it she informed me that she talked to them in her head... in reality from some of the comments later I think it was a lot for her to take in and she was trying to catch as much as she could.

Monday we went shopping for shoes because as I looked at the school policies no open-toe sandals are allowed (something I think I remember from my school days but had forgotten about). Of course most of her current shoes are sandals because that's what I prefer to wear. She was a mess the whole day... mostly I think in an effort to make me appreciate her upcoming absence during the day. That night I got her to bed at 9:30 and then went to work on making sure she had all of her forms, lunch, etc. all ready for the morning in hopes that it might go smoothly. (yes, I'm laughing right now at my naivete)

(the morning of, a little before I woke her up)

Tuesday was the big day... I woke up a little before 6 got showered and began breakfast... my attempt to help start the day off on a good memorable foot... I think I succeeded in the memorable part at least. Ultimately it resulted in an interesting blend of chaos as I attempted to cook the bacon and pancakes while also trying to wake her up, get morning pictures, get her dressed and get Ryan dressed. By the time that breakfast was ready I had set off the smoke alarm and most of the pancakes were slightly black on one side... although thankfully not burned. Neither of the kids was up for much food, as I crammed my pancakes into my mouth Ryan went off to play and Alicia delicately nibbled on two pieces of bacon. Running only slightly behind schedule I attempt to get everyone's teeth brushed, hair brushed and socks and shoes on. It was at this point that I remembered that our sweaters were all outside in the van and that Ryan had left his shoes outside by the swings the day before so I had to run out and get them... the morning dew on his shoes (and his socks after he decided to chase me out the door) made them almost impossible to get on so I gave up and just buckled him into his carseat as well. After Alicia climbs in I realize that somewhere along the way my keys have disappeared. After running around like a mad lady I find them and we're on our way.Even though we were running a little late I had to get at least some pictures before I let her go. These two were taken outside the school. Ryan was just wanting to go and follow all the big kids, Alicia was just hoping I didn't embarass her too much. Not exactly the photo shoot I had hoped to capture this memory but I definitely wasn't getting any more from them.

As we walked into the building we see her teacher and some of the kids in her class beginning to head down the hall toward the classroom. With a quick hand off and hugs and kisses it was over and she turned and ran after them while I walked quickly the other way out the front door before I became to emotional... not sure that it worked... I still got weepy but at least I had the distraction of trying to keep Ryan in control who about had an anxiety attack. I'm not sure if it was just because he wanted to "play" too or he thought I had finally had enough and was ditching her for good. He was so upset all he could do was cry, he couldn't even say her name or call for his sissy the whole day. When we got home from the school it was so bad that he wouldn't even let me console him, I had to give him a bottle of milk, turn on a movie and leave him alone. When the movie finished he was pacified enough to let me play with him for a while. Then we sat down for lunch just the two of us and he took two bites and proceeded to curl up in a ball on his chair and go to sleep.

I'll have to say here that at this point a feeling completely foreign came over me... I had the freedom to do practically anything I wanted like clean, check my e-mail, read a book, or just collapse without the least bit of having to feel guilty because I was neglecting anyone. Now one might think that such freedom would go to my head... after all what does one do with free time? Still... I'm not so certain... I'm just waiting for a disaster in the making because I'm just not that lucky. I'm thinking it's probably going to come in the form of my next two school courses that will start next week. Until then at least I've gotten the house half-way decently picked up.

Anyways... back to the story... at last it was time to head back to the school to pick Alicia up. We got there and began our wait. This was probably the worst part of the whole day. I had arrived with plenty of time wanting to make sure that there was no chance we would be late. We were ushered into the multi-purpose room with other parents while they called each of the bus routes first and we waited... and waited... Ryan growing even more impatient as the time dragged on because he knew exactly where her classroom was and after all.... that must be where all the good stuff was happening, not in a gym with no toys and a bunch of anxious parents. Finally about three minutes before her group was called he found another little boy that was waiting for someone and the two of them chased after each other all around the room, weaving in and out of the crowd. I gave up even attempting to feel like I had any control over him and just gave in to the anxiety. At last she came around the corner, holding her teacher's hand and a picture. I'm not sure exactly if I got even so much as a "hello" much less the "oh mommy I missed you" that I had hoped for, it might have happened, but more pressing on her mind she handed me this picture...I was then informed that she wanted to ride the bus home. There was no discussion of anything else until I agreed to consider it. Even when she accepted that answer she had the normal descriptions of her day

me: so what did you do today hun?
Alicia: lots of stuff
me: did you learn anything:
Alicia: yeah
me: so what did you learn?
Alicia: I don't know, a lot of things
me: did you have fun?
Alicia: yes
me: did you make some friends?
Alicia: yes
me: what were their names?
Alicia: I don't know
me: what else did you do, did you have outside time and nap time?
Alicia: yeah

I almost wanted to laugh at the conversation that I should have expected instead of the one that I had dreamed about where she tells me about all of the interesting things she did and the names of her new friends so I can start investigating more.

Day 2 was pretty much the same, Alicia agreed to let me come pick her up as long as she could ride the bus the next day. I was more emotinally in control as we left her there and Ryan even did a little better although he didn't stop crying until he saw that one of the parents had a doggy in their car. Still not a whole lot of detail about how everything went except that she had to go to the nurse because she was running too fast and scrapped her elbow a bit and that she got to be line leader because she obeyed all the rules.

I've definitely had a mixture of emotions about all of this. I guess I'm wierd in that Alicia's been more like a little sister to me than a child. She's been a great friend and I miss her company and sillyness during the day... although I can also appreciate her more when she gets home and I've had a few hours of not trying to get her to stop jumping off the back of the couch, getting into things that she shouldn't or fighting with her brother.